My journey began with a single phone call when I was 22 weeks pregnant. A phone call that I never expected or ever thought I wanted.  “Your MaterniT21 test came back positive for Trisomy 21, it’s Down syndrome.”  I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t want to believe it! I spent 22 weeks creating this perfect baby boy in my mind and in the matter of minutes he was taken away from me. I cried and cried and then cried a little more. I would spend day and night worrying about the “unknowns” and “what ifs”. I started to doubt myself, Can I do this? Am I strong enough to be his mom? Will I be able to fall in love with him? I wasn’t having a baby anymore, I was having a baby with Down syndrome. I focused so much on the Down syndrome that I lost the little joys of being pregnant. Hours before receiving that phone call I bought fabric to make Zach a quilt. I never made that quilt because I thought it didn’t matter anymore. I purchased the book,”Diagnosis to Delivery: A Pregnant Mother’s Guide to Down syndrome” and it was a life-saver. I kept it on my nightstand and referred to it daily. I finally felt like all of my thoughts and feelings were justified. I now understood why I had to go through the Grieving Process (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance). I know I probably stayed in some stages for too long, but I could never get to acceptance. I tried so hard to make myself accept it, but I couldn’t.

 It wasn’t until February 19th, 2014 at 10:01pm when the physician put Zach on my chest that it happened. I took one look at his face and I knew he had Down syndrome and I fell deeply in love with him. All of the “unknowns” and "what ifs” were lifted away. I knew I could do this, I knew I was strong enough to be his mom. He was PERFECT! He had 10 fingers and 10 toes, he cried like a “normal” baby, he ate like a “normal” baby, he even pooped and peed like a “normal" baby. I’m not sure why I thought he wouldn’t look or act like a newborn.

 I wish I could go back in time to the day I received that phone call. I wish I could have told myself to take to just take a deep breath because everything was going to be okay. I wish I could have told myself the best was yet to come. That it was okay to cry, but not to focus on the Down syndrome. I wish I could have enjoyed my pregnancy. This is why I created “A Gift from Zach”. I understand how hard it is to receive a Down syndrome diagnosis prenatally or at birth. I don’t want any family to feel like they are alone.  The prenatal basket is filled with items that helped me through my pregnancy and it also has items that I wish I would have had. I regret not enjoying pregnancy just because Zach had Down syndrome.  The delivery basket is filled with items to help families celebrate the birth of their PERFECT baby. This is a journey I never knew I wanted and now I cannot image our life without that one little extra chromosome.